Skiing

So I'm going skiing this weekend, it should be a good time. But skiing can be a terrifying experience, which is why I wear a helmet. Have you ever been stopped on the side of a run, where people have plenty of time to see you and lots of space to avoid you, but somehow they ski way too close to you? You can't tell if they're really that dumb to not realize (many of them are) or if they are just trying to be jerks. Either way, someone needs to do something about this. When it happens to me, even if I'm waiting for someone and will risk losing them on the mountain for a period of time, I take off after the person. Usually they're not that fast, so I come in from the side as fast as I can. But this is tricky and you have to time it right. I like to swoop in, right at them, and as they turn away from you, they don't see you. But right as they start to turn, you turn away from them sharply, with a cloud of snow, and lots of noise, and you directly away from them. This often scares the heck out of them and they have no idea what just happened. First they look down the hill to see if you kept skiing by. Then they stop and look around to see where you went. This is where I'm stopped, with my goggles up, giving them the finger. It usually gets my point across. I mean, someone has to teach these idiots a lesson. And if they didn't understand the lesson, well, at least I had some fun getting a little payback against an idiot skier.
And I know some people might think I'm a jerk for this. But those kinds of people don't belong on the mountain, or at least on the part where I ski. I know they have brand new equipment and want to try it out and it's the third day of their ski trip and they're getting really good and their instructor told them they should try a "black diamond" and they're wearing a helmet so they should be safe and blah blah blah. I have news for these people: your instructor just wanted a bigger tip, and you're really not good. In case you haven't noticed, those hats with the dreadlocks went out of style with the fanny pack and the mullet. Get off the mountain now and get a drink so that when I go to the bar later I won't have to wait in line behind you.
Speaking of fun things to do on a mountain, have you ever seen somebody wipe out, and it's just a total yard sale, and their equipment goes everywhere? Then you ski down and they look at you expecting you to grab a ski or a pole and carry it down for them? I like to ski right on by without picking anything up, stop right next to them, look back up the hill, and ask what happened. If they don't know, just point, laugh and ski away. It's not like they can do anything to you, their skis are still spread all over the hill.