Recent Events

So a lot of things have been happening lately and I haven't been very good about writing them down or remembering them. This is partly because of alcohol. It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
We had the third annual Nascar-b-q two weekends ago which was terrific. Fast cars, loud noises, lots of beer...what's not to like? Maybe all the guys in jorts that showed off way too much man thigh, but if you keep your head up like you're supposed to then you can't even tell. I keep getting a lot of crap for watching nascar, but it's easy to get hooked. It's the best thing to watch while drinking beer on a Sunday once football season is over. When else could you bring out an eight person beer bong where no one is still and college and have everyone cheer? Pinatas full of beer? Oh yeah, we've got that. It's also a great excuse to cut your funny in a ridiculous way and grow out facial hair when you know you shouldn't. I wish we could do this every weekend. Of course, I also wish I had every Monday off, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

I went to an indoor lacrosse game. For those of you that have never been, I highly encourage you to try it. It's more exciting than hockey or basketball without a doubt. It's fast, high-scoring, allows fighting to an extent, and can see some great hits. There were more people at the mammoth game on Saturday than at the Avalanche game the Thursday before. And the crowd was a lot more fun. This wasn't because it was the weekend, it's because the tickets are a third of the price, the crowd is younger, and everyone spends that extra cash on booze. There's no fighting in the crowd because no one knows where these other teams come from. And no one is from Canada. It's a great way to start a Saturday night also. Once you leave the arena with a few drinks in you, everyone is just starting to get to the bars. The party just never stops.

If there's anything better than a two-for-one happy hour then I haven't found it. Especially $3 long island iced teas at gov's park. At least I think that's how much they were, I put it on my girlfriends tab and never saw the check. Take a lesson fellas: give her a few cocktails and she has no idea what the check says. You can even offer to read it to her and sign her name, they like that.

Aside from tonight's win against Memphis, my nuggets have really sucked lately. I'll still go to some games though. If you don't like Allen Iverson, then f*#k you. Speaking of basketball, whatever happened to Shelden Williams? If he's no longer at duke, does that make him the ugliest man not playing college basketball?

Did anyone watch the academy awards last night? It got drawn out so much I got bored after half an hour and decided to do something more exciting. I taught myself how to knit hats and scarves. Did the wayans brothers win any awards?

Well that's all for my random thoughts tonight, it's time to watch 24. This is the most exciting show on television. This season has gotten a little ridiculous at times though. If someone put a drill into my back, I wouldn't be back at work the next hour. Unless I was Jack Bauer. He can do anything. But who do you think would win in a fight? Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer? Think about it...

I'm not perfect

I know, I know, the title of this post must come as quite shock to some of you, but I'm really not perfect despite my constant and outrageous claims. And for those of you that know me really well and are convinced I am, I offer to you a few mistakes I've made recently. They don't happen very often, so when they do they tend to stick in my mind for a little while.
In no particular order:

1) I let my girlfriend drive take my car home to her place...it got towed
2) I "ran the register"...my lungs are still burning but my legs are fine. I can't figure this one out
3) I borrowed my girlfriend's flip-flops and they fit...I'm not sure which part of that is worse
4) I considered waxing my chest hair...I know, it's manly, I'll keep it
5) I tarnished my reputation and admitted I've made mistakes

basketball and hot tubs

So is anyone else thrilled that duke is out of the rankings? I can't stand duke. How can anyone really like that school, especially the basketball team. I loved watching those stunned duke fans as they lost to north carolina. Is it bad when you cheer about someone else crying? I say no.

So I went skiing this weekend, but I didn't get a chance to use the ski & scare. I also didn't get to point and laugh at someone who had just crashed. But I did get to use the tuck and poke. When you're on a cat walk and someone is turning back and forth and taking up all the space, you tuck and pick a spot on the edge to go for. When you tuck, you stick your poles out to the side, so that when you go by, you "accidentally" smack them in the side with your pole. They usually start going straight after that and don't take up so much space on the cat walk.

Is there anything better than a hot tub after a day of skiing? We all know that there isn't, especially when you add in a cold beer. And maybe a pizza, combined with a foot rub. I could go for one of those right about now...

Skiing

So I'm going skiing this weekend, it should be a good time. But skiing can be a terrifying experience, which is why I wear a helmet. Have you ever been stopped on the side of a run, where people have plenty of time to see you and lots of space to avoid you, but somehow they ski way too close to you? You can't tell if they're really that dumb to not realize (many of them are) or if they are just trying to be jerks. Either way, someone needs to do something about this. When it happens to me, even if I'm waiting for someone and will risk losing them on the mountain for a period of time, I take off after the person. Usually they're not that fast, so I come in from the side as fast as I can. But this is tricky and you have to time it right. I like to swoop in, right at them, and as they turn away from you, they don't see you. But right as they start to turn, you turn away from them sharply, with a cloud of snow, and lots of noise, and you directly away from them. This often scares the heck out of them and they have no idea what just happened. First they look down the hill to see if you kept skiing by. Then they stop and look around to see where you went. This is where I'm stopped, with my goggles up, giving them the finger. It usually gets my point across. I mean, someone has to teach these idiots a lesson. And if they didn't understand the lesson, well, at least I had some fun getting a little payback against an idiot skier.
And I know some people might think I'm a jerk for this. But those kinds of people don't belong on the mountain, or at least on the part where I ski. I know they have brand new equipment and want to try it out and it's the third day of their ski trip and they're getting really good and their instructor told them they should try a "black diamond" and they're wearing a helmet so they should be safe and blah blah blah. I have news for these people: your instructor just wanted a bigger tip, and you're really not good. In case you haven't noticed, those hats with the dreadlocks went out of style with the fanny pack and the mullet. Get off the mountain now and get a drink so that when I go to the bar later I won't have to wait in line behind you.
Speaking of fun things to do on a mountain, have you ever seen somebody wipe out, and it's just a total yard sale, and their equipment goes everywhere? Then you ski down and they look at you expecting you to grab a ski or a pole and carry it down for them? I like to ski right on by without picking anything up, stop right next to them, look back up the hill, and ask what happened. If they don't know, just point, laugh and ski away. It's not like they can do anything to you, their skis are still spread all over the hill.

Super Bowl Sunday

Super Bowl Sunday was both a really good day, and a not so good day. I had a bunch of friends over, we drank some beers, they had some shots, I didn't really have any shots since I was still hungover from saturday, and we watched the game. The super bowl has become such an event now that I don't know why we are required to go to work the next day. Nine out of ten people are tired or hungover; everyone looks like crap, their eyes are bloodshot, you have to explain everything at least three times before anyone understands, and you know everyone is just counting the minutes before the end of the day. Every hour you see a bunch of people stand up, stretch, look around, and either go to the bathroom or get something to drink. And everyone is thinking the same thing: when is the first person going to leave so I don't look bad for leaving early?
I am starting a movement or a petition or whatever next January, to get every place of business to either close on that Monday, or have a late start. I think I could have made it by noon and gotten something done don't you?
I also have an issue with Colorado liquor stores still being closed on Sunday. Is this still a holy day for anyone, or the just the day when you either deal with your hangover, or lower your standards and drink 3.2 beer. We really need to come out of the 19th century. If Sunday is a day of rest, shouldn't you be able to drink something that really helps you relax? Nothing would help me relax more than a cold beer, or a beam and coke. Well, in terms of drinks anyway.
And speaking of relaxing, I need one of those foot massagers under my desk. I think I would concentrate way better and be even more productive at work. Or at least I should be able to walk around barefoot. That would be terrific.
I also promise my blogs will be much more entertaining when I carry and pen and pad around. I get the greatest ideas randomly throughout the day, some so good I just stop and laugh for a few minutes, but by the time I get home I have no idea what I wanted to say. I'll work on that I promise.
Lastly, would anyone else like to be the news anchor that goes on at noon? awesome job, good hours, good pay, and no one even knows if you suck. sweet deal.