Weeknight drinking

I don't want to sound like an alcoholic or anything, but if you go out on a weeknight and have some beers, maybe some shots, with your friends, doesn't it make the week go by so much faster? I know it does for me. Your night flies by, you go right to sleep when you hit the pillow, and it gives you something to look forward to for the weekend. Honestly, can anyone really find a downside to all of that?
On another note, I think my friend meatball has the greatest nickname. It's fun to say, it's only two syllables, and it needs no explanation. If anyone asks why his name is meatball, you can just say: why not? That usually shuts them up really quickly.
Is it wrong to give girls nicknames? I think it's hilarious, but everyone seems really offended whenever I give a girl a nickname. I understand if refers to her looks (or lack thereof) or her permiscuity (is that a word?), but if it has nothing to do with that stuff, what is the problem?
Do you like bud light or coors light better? If you like coors light better, then f*#k you!
I'd also like to give a shout out to my buddy Maurer, who came up with the nickname 7-11, because he never closes. Sorry kyle, maybe one day you can become a man.

Hockey

So I went to the Avalanche game tonight and had a few beers, which was awesome. The Avs beat the number one team in the league. It was a great game, with beer, on a Tuesday night. But I couldn't help noticing: what happened to all the trophy wives and girlfriends at the games? Not that you would ever want to touch them with a ten foot pole, but still, who doesn't love a little eye candy?
On a related note, why isn't hockey more popular than basketball. We have a sport where guys work their asses off, knock each other into boards, get into fights, lose teeth, and still smile. Then there's the sport with a bunch of thugs, with superstar fouls, too much one on one, no contact, and absolutely no defense. This is seriously appealing? I cheer for the nuggets, but I can't 't back the nba. I think we need to get rid of David Stern. He's been around way too long. I say get Vin Diesel to run the league. Then we would have the toughest sport around. Full contact basketball: arenas would be sold out ever night. And if he can't do it, I promise I could make basketball the most entertaining sport on the planet. Oh, and David Stern would respond to this, but he's too busy giving dwayne wade a hummer.

Super Bowl Predictions

Colts by more than 1

People I hate

I can't stand bad drivers. Especially people on cell phones. They need blue tooth or those ear pieces that hang down. I really could care less. Just pay attention. I was driving home from the mountains the other day, and got behind a slow car. I got up behind them, and they kept tapping their brakes like I was too close. Normally I would just go around them, but there was a car to my right so I couldn't do anything. Why would they stay in the left lane, going below the speed limit? So finally, they speed up a little, go into the right lane, and then gun it, so I can't pass them. They act like they were going fast the whole time.
Anyway, so as I pass them, we throw a McDonald's milkshake on their back windshield. It just sticks there and they don't have a rear windshield wiper. It was great. Jerks.
So anyway, we're going by, and I remember I have my old windshield wipers in the back seat since I had just gotten new ones. Why I didn't take them out I have no idea, but right about now I must say I'm brilliant. So I reach in the back seat, grab both windshield wipers and toss them out the window behind us. They landed perfectly in front of the jerk car. I slam on the gas, go around the corner, and I never saw that car again. I did hear a loud crash, but I just assumed it was the snowplows going the other direction. Some really need to learn how to drive.

Disclaimer

It is very likely that many or all of the stories you read in the blog are fake or embellished. Some may be real.

Old Porn

So, my roommate and I recently encountered the problem of what to do with old playboy magazines. Has anyone had this problem before? We weren't quite sure what to do. Logically, you should just throw away old magazines when you are done reading (or looking at) them. And this is what I normally do with sports, business, or any other magazine I have. But these things can looked at over and over again. The pictures really don't get old, and you can look at the same one time and time again without getting tired of it. You can't really really an article more than once, unless you're doing research, trying to find a specific part to prove a point, or you just plain forgot it or didn't understand it after the first time.
Sure, you get new magazines to look at, with new people people in new settings. But that's not the point. Do we really want to be the guys that threw away old porn? You can't really give it away can you? It's not like a video, which can be passed on, and maybe even copied.
So, not wanting to throw it away and waste, and not wanting to give it to any of our friends, here is what we came up with: we decided to take the magazines, and put one under the door of random neighbors in our apartment building. Kind of like a late holiday gift. Sure, this could turn out to be a terrible idea, and there could be many angry residents. But just imagine the kids that find it before their parents, or curious girlfriends who get ideas for their boyfriends, or the lonely single people who need a little warmth and comfort on a Friday night. It's like the gift that keeps on giving. We don't want to be selfish. Everyone should get to enjoy this! And hopefully these people will turn around and give it to someone else when they acquire too much. Maybe we just started something like a chain letter. Wouldn't that be awesome? The porn ladder!
So to those of you out there that have received random magazines under your door, and to those of you that someday will receive a magazine under your door, let me just say: you're welcome.

End of season football questions

1. would anyone notice if tony siragusa never came back?
2. if the patriots had won, would phil simms ask if he could carry tom brady's child?
3. how can anyone actually cheer for the patriots?
4. if rex grossman wins the super bowl, will the world come to an end?
5. what must edgerrin james be thinking right now?
5. how long will it take for me to get on the cutler band wagon?
6. will reche caldwell ever close his eyes?
7. who likes joe buck?
8. who is mario williams?
9. is anyone else planning to watch the super bowl at a strip club?
10. who else is betting that the broncos win the super bowl next year?
11. No, seriously, who actually likes joe buck?

If I had a knapsack

This is a list of things I wish I carried around all the time:
night vision goggles
water balloons
pocket knife
tweezers
bottle rockets
q-tips
cheez-its
super glue
binoculars
pellet gun
picture of john elway
beer
gold coin

What I miss about my old job:

1) My friends
2) Walking to work
3)...umm...



Well that was quick. Until next time.

The Simpsons

Is it me? Or has anyone else realized the Simpsons sucks now? When did this happen? Have I been in denial? I have been a die-hard fan for as many years as I can remember now, and maybe that's the problem. Maybe I've been blind to this slow but steady decline in humor and entertainment. Remember when you would see your friends Monday and you would go back and forth with all the memorable quotes from the previous nights show? I miss those days. I heard a few years back when the producers said when they wanted to quit, they would make a movie and be done with it. Now there's a movie and no end in sight? I can't tell you how many times I watch a new episode, maybe chuckle a little bit, change the channel to something else and completely forget what just happened. They're just living on reputation at this point. I say get rid of them and give me a chance, I've got plenty of good ideas for a show. Now, would they be entertaining to anyone but me, my friend Logan or Greg N? Maybe not, but I'm sure a lot of people would tune in just to find out what kinds of outrageous ideas we would come up with. If you're reading this (all 2 of you) I bet you're giggling at that idea. No? Just me? That's what I figured.

Faux-hawk

I have been discussing this with different people now, and just when we think we have it figured out, someone throws in a new wrinkle. So if you have any input, let me know what it is. When does a man become too old to sport the faux hawk? I said 30, and after that it's gotta go. After saying this and having at least a dozen people tell me I'm gay, I was thinking maybe the faux-hawk just has to go. Maybe no one should ever have it. When you think about it, don't you stop and point, or whisper to your friends, or take out the cell phone camera and take a picture of every faux-hawk you see? Or is that just me? Alright, I guess so.
I heard another theory today: when you have to get up in the morning for something other than school, time to get rid of the faux-hawk. I like this one, I think it works. But what about the guys who have thinning hair? The faux-hawk allows them to cover it up, look stylish, and not seem so old. Can we fault them? Of course we can! So do me a favor, let's band together and get rid of the faux-hawk unless you're a drummer. Otherwise, don't be surprised when people ask you to be in a picture for no good reason, you have it coming to you.

the start of something big

So I finally got around to starting that blog I kept saying I was going to write. For those of you that encouraged this, it's finally here and this is for you. For those of you that said this was a dumb idea, well, you may be right but I did this just to spite you. I hope to use this space for all of my random, ridiculous, occasionally funny, often offensive, but very essential thoughts on life.

For now we will just call this Awesome thoughts, because that is exactly what they are. My thoughts, which are always awesome. It's not quite "The Chronicles of Joe Awesomestein" but I haven't quite developed my alter ego Joe Awesomestein yet. But we are working on it. So for anyone that is actually taking time away from what they should be doing to read this, and for those really do have nothing better to do, I hope to keep you entertained. So try and check back often, I hope to lead you into a far more interesting and outrageous fantasy life that only exists in my head. Welcome!